You.must.be.the.most.insensitive.guy.I’ve.ever.met.

Published December 31, 2013 by muntingtinig

Your ‘later’ translates to uncertainty, or after a few months. I guess that gives me an idea when you say in a year or two.

I don’t know what to say when I hear your voice on the other end of the line.

Why? What is with you that you still call at random times?

Why do you have to say you’d call me again ~later~ when you never really did? And not the next day, or the next few days, the next few weeks.

I AM NOT OKAY. As long as it involves you, I am still not okay. I can just manage myself better now.

You really are the epitome of a promise-breaker. Evident since the beginning. I just refuse to recognize it even if it’s too clear to miss.

Because you made me feel like a disposable commodity. And I NEVER treated nor thought of treating you that way

Published October 20, 2013 by muntingtinig

http://bit.ly/HaH6AU

These kinds of things I read once in a while never fail to capture my attention. I guess that’s normal; something catches your eye and before you know it you’re already hooked, especially if you can relate to it.

“…some people let it happen because that person fills a need in them.”

I realized a lot of things about myself, about other people because of the relationship. I became empowered, non-judgmental, and more loving. I grew so much, learned so much, and I became mature in my way of thinking.

For me, he’s my soulmate and I felt very lucky to have him, to have that communication and connection with him.”

I really HATE but can’t help myself think about it and find myself awash in the past again.

I don’t care if she (still) hasn’t used your surname. I’m tired of overanalyzing things and beating myself up with negative thoughts.

EVERYTHING WAS A LIE FROM THE BEGINNING. THERE WAS NEVER THE INTENTION TO LOVE AND STAY WITH ME AT ALL. EVER.

If it’s any consolation, maybe I’m a bit luckier to other people – just like the letter sender – who’ve been in a similar situation.

I have run away. But sometimes, I also wished I did that a long time ago.

Which leads me to think that, maybe, I’m really too smart or too kind or just naive for my own good.

Why do I really let my guard down to those who don’t deserve it?

I’m not a disposable commodity that you can just get rid of whenever and forget whenever you want to.

Rattled once in a while

Published September 13, 2013 by muntingtinig

The last time, it was because of a ‘dream’. Right now, it’s your youngest brother.

I guess your family doesn’t really know that much after all. But they have speculations, which, I think, are half true.

And maybe it’s better that way.

What’s to defend about me anyway? Would I even have the nerve to explain?

Your family and I only met once. I would understand if the image of an aspiring home-wrecker (whether on purpose or not) is how they see me for the rest of their lives.

Do I tell them what I know? Your stories? Her messages? The family issues? Your relationship with her, how I perceive it based on what you’ve told me (married? live-in? what?) Who initiated this mess, who’s really at fault?

There’s no point in airing my side, or trying to justify even a few things that I did. Your family won’t need it.

Because it’s easier for me to believe that the best thing to happen is for me to completely disappear, like all of you have never even known me, than expecting you to show even the slightest hint of sympathy.

It took me so long to realize that I’ve become nothing but miserable, because I allowed to be treated that way.

And I have grown tired of being treated like that.

 

 

What I’ve learned after 2 years at work

Published September 8, 2013 by muntingtinig

Strive to be excellent, in whatever you do, even if you are surrounded with people who are fine with settling for mediocrity. It may be hard and would definitely take a LOT OF TIME to learn how to achieve great things. Sometimes, you’d even feel alone and not motivated enough to continue. But if you badly want to be awesome, be humble in the beginning. NEVER STOP LEARNING. Don’t do it just to please others. Do it because you know that it’s how it should be done. Learn to defend why you did it. Learn to accept mistakes and take constructive criticism. Eventually you’ll realize that you’re growing. Perhaps, after a year or two, you’d see how much you’ve really improved. And you know you still have a long way to go to that place called ‘greatness’, but the sense of fulfillment you felt upon realizing how you’ve overcome the challenges before makes you more determined to continue the climb. Perhaps, you’ll see that there are many others who are on the same road as you. You’re not alone. Help each other, learn from each other – that good feeling you get is totally priceless.

Is the storm almost over?

Published August 31, 2013 by muntingtinig

The thing that forced me to wake up quite earlier today was ‘that’ dream again.

I got my muscles flexed a bit in the past few days. I really am starting to get the hang of job hunting from phone/office interviews to walking and walking in the metro. My body couldn’t wait to exclaim “TGIF!” with feelings. I was dead tired by Friday night, and really in need of a good sleep.

Dear subconscious part of my mind: how do I make you forget EVERYTHING about him? 

I don’t care. I don’t want to care. I’ve had enough. I’m doing my very best to focus on my career now.

I want to be happy. I don’t want to cry anymore.

Please?

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